Premier League Managers: Which Game of Thrones Character Are You?


hankfully, the United Kingdom bears little resemblance to the land of Westeros, geography aside. Westminster can hardly be described as a vipers’ pit. There isn’t even a Master of Whisperers since the departure of the great schemer of our age – Peter Mandelson. I suppose the closest parallel that we have, or that I can concoct, is the Premier League with its endless jockeying for position. So, in a desperate attempt to make comparisons that don’t really exist, much like
Buzzfeed, I thought I’d have a good go at comparing the principle protagonists of the two worlds. Big Sam as Robert Baratheon? Pulis as Bronn? Close, but not quite – Bronn has sense of humour and isn’t chippy. Anyway, my comparisons are set out below:

Arsene Wenger Eddard ‘Ned’ Stark
A surprising choice some might say given their varying intellect and temperament, but both are unbending when it comes to their principles; arguably to their detriment. They like to remain aloof from ‘the game’.

Paul Lambert Jorah Mormont
Both initially flourished in eastern parts, but are falling out of favour.

 Sean Dyche Brynden ‘the Blackfish’ Tully
Dyche and the Blackfish have worked wonders on limited resources. They will have a tough job defending their keeps.

 José Mourinho Petyr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish
Didn’t take me too long to come up with this comparison. Both enjoy the dark side of their ‘games’. To quote Varys ‘[both] would see the kingdom burn if [they] could be king of the ashes’.

Tony Pulis (now departed)Brienne of Tarth
Perhaps not an obvious comparison, but both have been dismissed and ridiculed by the establishment before finally gaining acceptance and respect after several bloody encounters. They are fearsome competitors with an allegedly naked Pulis defeating James Beattie in the Britannia showers and Brienne vanquishing ‘the Hound’, ‘smoting his ruin upon the mountainside’ (to quote Gandalf).

Roberto Martinez
Tyrion ‘the Imp’ Lannister
Enjoy playing their games and tactically are blessed with flair and imagination. They will need to watch their steps as their brilliance will make others jealous and wary.

Steve BruceSamwell Tarly
Despite their superficial differences they are the good guys of their worlds. Can they survive in the vipers’ pit?

Nigel PearsonKevan Lannister
Both are cautious pragmatists lacking originality and guile. I fear they will struggle to make the step up.

Brendan RodgersJaime ‘Kingslayer’ Lannister
Advocates of beauty and ‘clean’ football/swordplay with a touch of arrogance. Will they still retain their beliefs in the years to come?

Manuel PellegriniOlenna ‘the Queen of Thorns’ Tyrell
They have adapted to their new environments with aplomb. Urbane, witty and unflustered. Crucially, both can play ‘the game’.

Louis Van GaalMelisandre of Asshai
Utterly consumed by and wedded to their beliefs. Non-believers – watch out!

Alan PardewRobert Baratheon
Boorish, loutish and a bit out of their depth; often act on impulse.

Harry Redknapp
Grand Maester Pycelle
These two old-timers are adept at staying in ‘the game’ without much talent. Pycelle captures the essence of this when declaring to Tywin Lannister: ‘So many flowers, my Lord, each wants to grow the tallest, bloom the brightest, and one by one sooner or later they all get plugged. I don't want to be the tallest or the brightest, I only want to remain in the garden.’

Ronald KoemanThoros of Myr
Both were fearsome figures in their younger days, but have had to settle for more minor roles in their advancing years. They are disciples of Van Gaal/the Lord of Light.

Mark HughesRoose Bolton
Their steely gazes and dead eyes are quite disconcerting. They are ruthlessly ambitious and resent having to kowtow to their liege lords. Both believe that they should be the main protagonists.

Gustavo PoyetOberyn ‘the Red Viper’ Martell
Gus and Oberyn have plenty of panache, but this is tempered by their self-destructive, combustible streaks. They relish toppling a goliath.

Garry MonkRobb Stark
Unseasoned and green: they probably won’t last the distance. As Tywin Lannister remarked about Robb Stark: ‘He’ll risk anything at any time because he doesn’t know enough to be afraid’. They also have one more letter than they need in their first name.

Mauricio PochettinoVarys ‘the Spider’
They have guile and trickery aplenty – the mystery men. Soon they will ‘play their hands’ (in Pochettino’s case dispensing with his translator).

Alan IrvineDavos ‘the Onion Knight’ Seaworth
Their elevations in rank came as a surprise to many. Both probably suffer from a mild inferiority complex.

Sam AllardyceSandor ‘the Hound’ Clegane
Neither could give a tuppence for chivalry or pretty songs.

Sir Alex FergusonTywin Lannister
Isn’t it obvious?

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