T
hankfully, the United Kingdom bears little resemblance to the land of
Westeros, geography aside. Westminster can hardly be described as a vipers’
pit. There isn’t even a Master of Whisperers since the departure of the great
schemer of our age – Peter Mandelson. I suppose the closest parallel that we
have, or that I can concoct, is the Premier League with its endless jockeying
for position. So, in a desperate attempt to make comparisons that don’t really
exist, much like Buzzfeed, I thought I’d have a good go at comparing the principle
protagonists of the two worlds. Big Sam as Robert Baratheon? Pulis as Bronn? Close,
but not quite – Bronn has sense of humour and isn’t chippy. Anyway, my comparisons
are set out below:
| Arsene Wenger |
Eddard ‘Ned’ Stark |
A surprising choice some might say given their varying intellect and temperament, but both are unbending when it comes to their principles; arguably to their detriment. They like to remain aloof from ‘the game’.
| Paul Lambert |
Jorah Mormont |
Both initially flourished in eastern parts, but are
falling out of favour.
| Sean Dyche | Brynden ‘the Blackfish’ Tully |
Dyche and the Blackfish have worked wonders on limited resources. They will have a tough job defending their keeps.
| José Mourinho | Petyr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish |
Didn’t take me too long to come up with this comparison. Both enjoy the dark side of their ‘games’. To quote Varys ‘[both] would see the kingdom burn if [they] could be king of the ashes’.
| Tony Pulis (now departed) | Brienne of Tarth |
Perhaps not an obvious comparison, but both have been dismissed and ridiculed by the establishment before finally gaining acceptance and respect after several bloody encounters. They are fearsome competitors with an allegedly naked Pulis defeating James Beattie in the Britannia showers and Brienne vanquishing ‘the Hound’, ‘smoting his ruin upon the mountainside’ (to quote Gandalf).
Roberto Martinez
| Tyrion ‘the Imp’ Lannister |
Enjoy playing their games and tactically are blessed with flair and imagination. They will need to watch their steps as their brilliance will make others jealous and wary.
Despite their superficial differences they are the good guys of their worlds. Can they survive in the vipers’ pit?
| Nigel Pearson | Kevan Lannister |
Both are cautious pragmatists lacking originality and guile. I fear they will struggle to make the step up.
| Brendan Rodgers | Jaime ‘Kingslayer’ Lannister |
Advocates of beauty and ‘clean’ football/swordplay with a touch of arrogance. Will they still retain their beliefs in the years to come?
| Manuel Pellegrini | Olenna ‘the Queen of Thorns’ Tyrell |
They have adapted to their new environments with aplomb. Urbane, witty and unflustered. Crucially, both can play ‘the game’.
| Louis Van Gaal | Melisandre of Asshai |
Utterly consumed by and wedded to their beliefs. Non-believers – watch out!
| Alan Pardew | Robert Baratheon |
Boorish, loutish and a bit out of their depth; often act on impulse.
Harry Redknapp
|
Grand Maester Pycelle
|
These two old-timers are adept at staying in ‘the game’ without much talent. Pycelle captures the essence of this when declaring to Tywin Lannister: ‘So many flowers, my Lord, each wants to grow the tallest, bloom the brightest, and one by one sooner or later they all get plugged. I don't want to be the tallest or the brightest, I only want to remain in the garden.’
| Ronald Koeman | Thoros of Myr |
Both were fearsome figures in their younger days, but have had to settle for more minor roles in their advancing years. They are disciples of Van Gaal/the Lord of Light.
Their steely gazes and dead eyes are quite disconcerting. They are ruthlessly ambitious and resent having to kowtow to their liege lords. Both believe that they should be the main protagonists.
| Gustavo Poyet | Oberyn ‘the Red Viper’ Martell |
Gus and Oberyn have plenty of panache, but this is tempered by their self-destructive, combustible streaks. They relish toppling a goliath.
Unseasoned and green: they probably won’t last the distance. As Tywin Lannister remarked about Robb Stark: ‘He’ll risk anything at any time because he doesn’t know enough to be afraid’. They also have one more letter than they need in their first name.
| Mauricio Pochettino | Varys ‘the Spider’ |
They have guile and trickery aplenty – the mystery men. Soon they will ‘play their hands’ (in Pochettino’s case dispensing with his translator).
| Alan Irvine | Davos ‘the Onion Knight’ Seaworth |
Their elevations in rank came as a surprise to many. Both probably suffer from a mild inferiority complex.
| Sam Allardyce | Sandor ‘the Hound’ Clegane |
Neither could give a tuppence for chivalry or pretty songs.
| Sir Alex Ferguson | Tywin Lannister |
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