Euro 2012: England Does Not Expect

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fter England's exit at the last World Cup in 2010 against Germany I was rather cross, which my stepmother and jaded Father found quite amusing. God I was cross. So cross was I that I proclaimed that English football was rotten to the core and could only be rescued by a wholesale shift in culture: one that rewarded technical expertise instead of 'commitment'. I even stated that the old guard: Terry, Lampard, Ferdinand, Gerrard and Ashley Cole should be jettisoned immediately for moral reasons (I deemed them to be pretty odious certainly Ashley Cole and Terry) and to usher in a younger generation.

Unfortunately (fortunately is probably more accurate), the only people who heard these recommendations were my Father and stepmother and a few friends. Fabio Capello didn't as he went on to field England's best available players in the Euro 2012 qualification campaign: Terry/Ferdinand, Gerrard and Lampard instead of blooding youngsters much to my chagrin.  My crossness mellowed into apathy as I watched only one of England's qualification matches: the 1-0 win against Wales, reinforcing my apathy and disillusionment.

However, I perked up when the FA took the sensible step of appointing Roy Hodgson to replace Capello instead of the media darling and man of the people Harry Redknapp. (I'm glad that the FA sidestepped Harry for two reasons: firstly, more allegations might very well surface over Redknapp's financial probity and, secondly, he is not tactically astute at the highest level. Arguably, Spurs should have finished above Arsenal and Manchester United last season given their talented first eleven, their relatively injury free season and the fact that they were not burdened by Champions League football).

Roy's appointment has rekindled my enthusiasm for England simply because I like him. He is a decent, intelligent chap who I can respect and support, which I was never able to do with his three predecessors. Indeed, Capello was little more than a mercenary who bled the FA dry with his £6 million a year pay packet; McClaren was far too eager to please the media and the players- remember 'Stevie G' and 'JT'?; and old Sven was again too expensive and never felt the need to encumber himself in his position as national coach by cutting back on his extra marital proclivities*- admittedly a shrewd tactic in endearing yourself to the players and the 'boyz'. Furthermore, at risk of being badged a closet racist, xenophobe and little Englander**, I find it easier to support an English team managed by an Englishman. Conceptually, I find it rather strange how the rules concerning the nationality of coaches and players in international sport are divorced.

Now, although Roy is a decent fellow I do have my reservations about his coaching instincts. If England had an array of attacking, Barcelona-esque talent at their disposal I would question Roy's appointment as tactically he is pretty negative wedded to his 4-4-2 formation with his main emphasis on structure and organisation off the ball, manifesting itself in two deep lying banks of four. This makes England tough to break down and very difficult for any team to 'get in behind' England's back four. The downside will be that England will secede possession, putting the team under plenty of pressure with attacking opportunities limited to the counter attack and set pieces. If England win Euro 2012 it will be in almost exactly the same manner as Chelsea's Champions League triumph: dour with oodles of good fortune.

We are constantly told by the media that national expectations are at an all-time low regarding England's Euro 2012 prospects, but I haven't seen much evidence of this apart from a welcome reduction of 'Carling man' tendencies particularly St George flags and honking for England, which owes more to the Jubilee. Plenty of people I have spoken to think that because expectations are low England have a better chance of winning than in previous tournaments- an interesting rationale! They also point to Greece's and Chelsea's dire triumphs. Crap football is very much back in vogue, which is why England's successive 1-0 wins against Norway and Belgium have not been criticised and almost praised. Still, Roy's tactics for this tournament are spot on as England do not have the calibre of players to play in a more expansive style, although I would quite like to see Welbeck and Rooney play together up front against Ukraine when Rooney is available.

Even with England's poor prospects, my apathy has evaporated and I am very much looking forward to the opening game against France. I would also like to congratulate Poland and Ukraine on banning vuvuzelas; undoubtedly the second most irritating aspect of the 2010 World Cup after England's limp performance. However, given the amount of unpleasant bile that is likely to come out of the mouths of a large contingent of Ukrainian fans who seem to think that Adolf Hitler was a sage man, it might actually be sensible for opposing fans, and the non-bile-spewing Ukrainians, to be equipped with vuvuzelas to drown out the detritus should the need arise.

*I'm too prudish to say shagged.

*Opponents against the Euro in the late nineties and early noughties were labelled as such by the European 'progressives' and trendies: Tony Blair, Richard Branson and Eddie Izzard to name a few, so I don't feel so bad if I am labelled thus.